ICA to Village: Bypassing public scrutiny is against the law
January 24, 2023
Menu
A “brewery-distillery-rental-units-entertainment-complex” goat rodeo.
In case you’re not familiar with the term of art, a goat rodeo is a slang term for something going totally, unbelievably, disastrously wrong, and there’s nothing left to do but to sit back and watch the trainwreck.
By now you know that sitting back and watching a trainwreck is just not in the ICA’s DNA. Though most of us would rather be fishing, we volunteer our time to show the people of Islamorada what the heck is going on, right under their noses.
How to Ruin a Town: Exhibit B
Keep in mind, trouble doesn’t happen in one move. Oh, no, trouble comes through a series of smaller, more insidious hops that over time turn into big hairy problems, like the consistent traffic nightmare of moving from one part of town to another.
We’ve written about the proposed Crooked Palm Distillery project before. In fact, it was on the Village Council agenda on August 25, 2022, but got pulled at the last minute once staff and the Council saw and felt the neighborhood roaring back with a big fat, “Heck NO!”
It’s the site of the old BT&T bank building, between Captain Craig’s and the new 7-11 at mile marker 90 bayside. It’s where four lanes of highway merge into two. Also nestled into this crazy intersection are two schools and a neighborhood.
It’s where traffic is stopped throughout the week with buses of school children, parents pick up, and school crossing for boys and girls walking from one side of the highway to the other. It’s where kids on bikes and skateboards can be found.
What the what?!
On what planet would you allow a bar, with a brewery and distillery, and entertainment venue operating from 10 am to 10 pm every day (11 pm on the weekends) to be added to rental apartments and plunked into this congested location?
Adding insult to injury, to make this favor-ridden, exemptions-granted, ill-conceived, bumper-to-bumper traffic-inducing project work, the applicant is requesting upwards of 65 variances in nine separate categories depending on how it’s calculated.
Variances-Schmariances.
Let’s set aside all the technical deficiencies for a moment. Common sense should win the day, sending the applicant back to the drawing board for a project that is compatible in use and intensity.
There is only one powerful antidote for this and other assaults on our town – YOU, times 100. If you cannot make it to a Council meeting, no problem, a quick email to each of the Councilmembers will go a long way. It’s quick, easy, and free.
Henry.Rosenthal@islamorada.fl.us
Pete.Bacheler@islamorada.fl.us
Write your own message or use a version of ours: Staff and Council, you need to stop forward progress on the Crooked Palm Distillery. You are going the wrong way. Worse, you’re taking all of us with you.
PS- In case you were wondering, yes there are also literal goat rodeos, and they are ridiculously adorable. The Crooked Palm Distillery, however, is not.
Background for this significant zoning change will be helpful.
Plantation Key Colony has long been a family friendly location where kids can walk to nearby schools, ride bikes and skateboards safely. It is a place where families know each other, a quiet place save the one night a year when the entire Islamorada population of young people gather to delightedly “trick or treat.”
Bordering an area along US1 designated a “Village Center” was never a problem. It consisted of a small grocery store, gas station, family restaurant, some offices and retail shops…. and a bank. All conveniences that allow families to occasionally avoid the congestion of US1.
The neighborhood learned that there would be a public hearing to decide if the bank building would be an appropriate location for a brewery/distillery/bar with large outdoor entertainment space on the backside of the building nearest their homes, with long hours of amplified music through the evenings, seven days a week.
Most residents had never been to a council meeting let alone participated in a hearing that would impact their future quality of life and the safety of so many children. At the hearing for the Alcoholic Beverage Use License last April, neighbors did their best to explain the safety concerns with added neighborhood traffic and more vehicles on U.S. One already so congested with four lanes merging into two. They objected to noise from amplified music till way past children’s bedtime. The council did not seem interested in their lives or their concerns.
The owner of the brewery had the audience and council infatuated. Clearly, he is a nice guy. But is that how decisions are supposed to be made in this town? We think the Council made a big mistake ignoring residents’ right to quiet enjoyment, a safe environment for raising kids, and an opportunity to say no to more traffic issues.
The Council approved the project.
Wait, hold the phone!
Turns out, the fight is not over. ICA’s review of the application confirmed that the requirements of a conditional use approval had been handled wrong by the Village and the village planner agreed. So now there is another public hearing for a major conditional use for the same property.
The Village staff claims that the applicant is in full compliance of all Village land use requirements and thus recommend approval of the use.
In order for the applicant to be in compliance, the Village had to relax the Village requirements for landscaping, setbacks, buffers and parking, in essence an approval of the use will also provide a variance from all of the requirements of the Village code not met. The use of the word relax is borderline insulting. We would describe it as “obliterate.”
September 5, 2022, Village Council meeting.
On the agenda for the August 25, 2022, Council meeting, the item was pulled at the last minute. And now it is back for September 15.
On April 21, 2022, the Village Council approved a 5COP Alcoholic Beverage Use Permit. (File No. PLAB20210152)
Recommendation:
Staff has reviewed the request for Major Conditional Use and Variance Approval and determined that the site plan is consistent with the goals, objectives, and policies of the Comprehensive Plan and complies with applicable provisions of the Code of Ordinances. Staff recommends that the Village Council APPROVE the proposed Major Conditional Use and Variance application by adoption of the attached Resolution, subject to the following Conditions of Approval:
a. 30-815: Reduction of minimum buffer width from 20 feet to 10 feet along a portion of Gardenia Street.
Reduction of minimum required canopy trees from 10 to O along Gardenia Street.
b. 30-815: Reduction of minimum buffer width from 5′ to O’ along a portion of Palm Avenue.
Reduction of minimum required canopy trees from 6 to O along Gardenia Street.
c. 30-814: Reduction of minimum required 5′ class B buffer to O’ along US1.
d. 30-815: Reduction of minimum required plantings from 5 canopy trees, 2 understory trees, and 15 shrubs to O canopy trees, 0 understory trees, and O shrubs along US1.
e. 30-817: Reduction of minimum required street trees from 10 canopy trees to 0 canopy trees.
f. 30-818: Reduction of minimum required off-street parking landscaping area from 2,562.5 square feet to O square feet.
g. 30-818(1): Reduction of the minimum required interior parking landscape islands from 9 islands to O islands.
Adding insult to injury, to make this favor-ridden, exemptions-granted, ill-conceived, bumper-to-bumper-traffic-inducing project work, the applicant is requesting upwards of 65 variances in nine separate categories depending on how it’s calculated.
Many images on our site have been generously loaned to ICA from award-winning conservation photographer Mac Stone and Mac Stone Photography. They are copyright protected.